Truth or Dart?

Now that we have all been using our “Impeccable Words”, practicing Satya + Ahimsa (truthfulness and non-harming), and are expert at using our words to convey love and concern rather than hurt or dismay, it’s time to move on to another issue.  Gossip.  It is argued that gossip is healthy, that it is a natural form of communication and a way to move information around a community.  Perhaps; but I think that the term Gossip has accrued negative connotations, and that we “gossip” the bad stuff and “share” the good.  So share away!  Spread the success of your neighbor’s children, compliment your yoga teacher in front of the whole class, bring the joy of a new baby to your friends at Starbucks.  When a dubious thought bubbles to the surface, give it the test:  Is it true? Is it kind? Then - the real litmus test for gossip - is it necessary?  

Most importantly, remember the power of I'm sorry.  We all make slips of the tongue or get caught up in gossip, and the best way to get out of such a mess is to apologize.  Love means never neglecting to say I’m sorry. 

"I hear she practices some weird religion!"

Use Your Words (Wisely)

Don Miguel Ruiz* has written about five “agreements” that you might make with yourself in order to live your highest life.  The first is Be Impeccable With Your Word.  Ruiz suggests we speak with integrity, that words not be used to speak against oneself  or others, and that we use the power of our words in the direction of truth and love.  

Let’s concentrate on speaking the truth.  If the truth will be painful to someone or cause hurt feelings, couple honesty with kindness.  When I took my Reiki training, my teacher told us to ask ourselves these questions before we spoke:  Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?  Be careful not to hide behind “the truth” in order to deliberately hurt someone.  Announcing out loud that someone’s butt looks big may be true, but it is neither kind nor necessary.  

This doesn’t mean we need to sugar-coat everything we say. Using thoughtfulness and love, we can learn how to get a painful truth across to someone.  In yogic terms, I would say practice Satya, truthfulness, with a generous helping of Ahimsa, non-harming.  Here are my suggestions, and I hope you’ll comment with some of your own.

Notice when someone tells a truth so gently that the person hearing it is grateful for the words and not offended.  The speaker probably used body language, too, such as a smile or a gentle touch, to soften the words.  Emulate that skill.

Begin with a positive statement.  Gush for a moment, then say your piece.   “Your dinner parties are so entertaining, and the food is impeccable.  I feel uncomfortable, however, when you talk about “crazy Canadians”, since my mom is from Canada.”

And about someone’s butt looking big in her dress:  Unless she’s meeting the President for a televised event, who cares!  

*www.miguelruiz.com