Who Holds Your Controls?

I’m working on getting over some of my knee-jerk reactions. Those reactions that come from a place of fear and have nothing to do with logic. Those things that I “know” are too crazy, impossible, or ridiculous to even contemplate. I want to move toward making real decisions, which means listening to things I don’t want to hear and trying things I’d rather avoid so I can decide, not simply react.

I’m not talking about instinct, that visceral reaction that keeps me from walking down dark alleys or letting my preteen go to a party with no parental guidance. I’m talking about that wall that slams down like a prison door in the movies, lights flashing and sirens blaring, when I am faced with a proposition I don’t want to take or an idea I don’t want to believe, for no other reason except, I don’ wanna!!

Sport controls his wheels! Who controls yours?

I don’ wanna change my mind, eat this food, avoid that food, take that test, make the effort. I like believing I’m right and They’re wrong. It’s so much simpler to sit here with my eyes closed; please don’t tell me to change, because I don’t wanna!

It’s a whole new world out there. If we don’t release some old beliefs we will end up slogging our way through a dreary life. If we don’t let go of habitual fears and righteousness and ego, we cannot move forward.

It’s a choice. You can decide to hunker down with your favorite reruns, getting stiff in the joints and foggy in the brain; or you can sit up, shake it off, and turn your attention to something new. Let every sunrise be a joy and every smile have meaning. Open yourself to new opinions and make a real decision on what is right for you. You have the controls; don’t let that security door slam down on your fingers. See what’s going on, and then decide.

Don't spread this around, but . . .

So, I was in the grocery store today, picking up ingredients for dinner, when I passed the coffee and tea aisle. I was glad I’d looked up at the sign and noticed where I was, because at lunchtime I’d been forced to use a rather dusty teabag to brew a fruit-flavored tea and had yearned for something tastier. My steps grew lighter as I trotted up the aisle, looking for the teas. I immediately found what I’d craved earlier, lemon ginger tea, but it was $4.99, so although I clutched the box, willing to pay that if I had to, I looked further to see if anything was on sale. Oh, oh look! My heart skipped a beat. Stash brand on sale for $3.49! And they have lemon ginger!

Then my hand actually flew to my chest and I gave a little gasp. There, right next to the lemon ginger tea, was a box of my other favorite, Licorice Spice! Saints be praised! I returned the non-sale box of tea to its rightful place on the shelf and gleefully snatched up the two boxes of Stash teas. As I turned to head to the check-out with my little red basket of dinner food and tea, I had a sudden thought.

Why am I so weird? Why the heck am I so excited about tea? My story here may be slightly exaggerated, but still, I was inordinately happy to find two delicious flavors of . . . tea?

Then I thought, So what? Why squash my own, odd enthusiasm? I decided to let myself revel in the little things, no matter how inconsequential. If I’m happy about tea, I’m happy about tea. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be happy about winning the lottery, and people will understand that; but today, it’s tea.

And it is truly delicious!

Who are you?

Who are you? When you think back to that kid called You in kindergarten, do you see her growing up as you did? Did she follow an expected path to Now, or did she shoot off in a different direction and land somewhere totally unexpected? My childhood and young adult friends may be surprised to see me now, leading a yoga class, practicing handstands and balancing in arm poses. I wasn’t exactly the most physical kid growing up (understatement of the year). It made me happy to discover this side of myself, and although it took some poking and prodding, some deep belly breaths and the confidence born only through experience, I now say, “I’m a yoga teacher” and truly believe it!

My brother landed smack dab at the end of a long line of sisters, and I’m sure he has both cursed fate, and wondered at it. When we were young he used to say he was going to have a family of football players; he ended up with three beautiful daughters. When people told him how lucky he was to have so many nurturing siblings, he’d growl about the trials of having so many women telling him what to do. Now he’s a teacher and coach and husband and father and the skills he developed through dealing with his five bossy sisters have served him well. And he really “gets” the female brain (though he still thinks we’re crazy and weird).

Picture yourself as a kid. Then follow that kid through life, with all the twists and turns, detours and backtracking, leaping and bounding, tripping and starting over. Are you on a roller coaster or a paved road? Probably stretches of both; and who knows what lies ahead? Whatever it is, it’s sure to be unexpected, exciting, nerve-wracking, and good. Lessons learned, yadda yadda. You have to smile.