Use Your Words (Wisely)

Don Miguel Ruiz* has written about five “agreements” that you might make with yourself in order to live your highest life.  The first is Be Impeccable With Your Word.  Ruiz suggests we speak with integrity, that words not be used to speak against oneself  or others, and that we use the power of our words in the direction of truth and love.  

Let’s concentrate on speaking the truth.  If the truth will be painful to someone or cause hurt feelings, couple honesty with kindness.  When I took my Reiki training, my teacher told us to ask ourselves these questions before we spoke:  Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?  Be careful not to hide behind “the truth” in order to deliberately hurt someone.  Announcing out loud that someone’s butt looks big may be true, but it is neither kind nor necessary.  

This doesn’t mean we need to sugar-coat everything we say. Using thoughtfulness and love, we can learn how to get a painful truth across to someone.  In yogic terms, I would say practice Satya, truthfulness, with a generous helping of Ahimsa, non-harming.  Here are my suggestions, and I hope you’ll comment with some of your own.

Notice when someone tells a truth so gently that the person hearing it is grateful for the words and not offended.  The speaker probably used body language, too, such as a smile or a gentle touch, to soften the words.  Emulate that skill.

Begin with a positive statement.  Gush for a moment, then say your piece.   “Your dinner parties are so entertaining, and the food is impeccable.  I feel uncomfortable, however, when you talk about “crazy Canadians”, since my mom is from Canada.”

And about someone’s butt looking big in her dress:  Unless she’s meeting the President for a televised event, who cares!  

*www.miguelruiz.com