Are You Afraid?

What is the opposite of Love? Many would say that Hate is the opposite of Love, but love and hate are actually quite closely related. Sometimes, they are a hair's breadth apart. Sometimes, both can exist at the same time, toward the same person or situation. When someone says, "I have a real love/hate relationship with my ex--my exercise routine--my job", they are harboring both emotions at one time. But opposites cannot exist together.

Darkness vanishes in the presence of light. Abundance cannot exist where there is scarcity. There are no limits to a boundless universe. These opposites can only abide separately, not together. One wins, the other is vanquished. Hate sometimes lives with Love. So what is the opposite of Love?

Fear. When there is fear there cannot be love, and Love is the most precious and useful emotion there is. Love can only be explained by poets and teenagers. Love is too often taken for granted; love is not taken for granted often enough. When we feel the highest emotion toward someone, we say, I Love You. Or, sadly, we say, I am afraid of you. Equally powerful, one has the ability to bring joy, the other to cause withdrawal.

Where there is fear, there is uncertainty. In our world today, there is much to be feared. Countries divided, peoples against governments, lone gunmen, terrorist cells. But if we choose to live in this fear, to abide in the feelings of hopelessness and aloneness, we choose to live without Love.

Choose Love.

They say it can be dangerous . . .

I’ve been thinking.

Voices in harmony are so beautiful.

Wouldn’t it be nice to visit the Garden of Eden so we could stop worrying about teenaged boys’ pants falling down or teenaged girls’ bellies showing or young singers shedding clothing or plumbers cracks or heck, saggy boobs! Just us and our bodies with complete acceptance.

Mystical fountain in Bryant Park, 1/14
(Photo courtesy of Nicole Howard)

It is very very sad that sugar is so bad for us.

There is a need to begin trusting ourselves again. The time for blindly following is over. Go with your gut.

Watching a paper cut heal is like witnessing a miracle. The skin just knits itself back together without a trace.

You can experience awe at the Grand Canyon; you can experience awe looking out your window after a snowfall. Awe will surface when you gaze upon the face of any newborn and when you look into the face of your own child at any age.

Meditation = ahhhhhh.

The world is becoming gentler. It might be hard to see, but if you look and listen, you’ll notice.

If you love, you are loved. If you Love, you are Love.

The Buddy System

I’m recently returned from a trip to Kripalu, a yoga retreat center in Massachusetts. Can I just say, ahhhhhhhhhh. I went with two lovely women who did yoga teacher training with me. It was a luxury for us to spend an entire weekend together, as our usual meetings are squeezed in between teaching a yoga class and picking kids up from school. We did some yoga, participated in kirtan (call and response chanting), shared delicious meals, and talked a blue streak. I felt so relaxed, safe, and comfortable with them, and so lucky to have them in my life. It made me think about friendships, and how wonderful and varied they can be.

Hold tight to your friends!

As a kid, your best friend is usually a product of proximity, like a neighbor, or the child of your mom’s friend. As adults, we gravitate toward those with similar interests, and we often share different aspects of our lives with different groups of people. I have my church friends, my yoga friends, my sisters, my family. I belong to a meditation group and I have friends at work. It’s so nice to be able to share the different sides of myself with each circle. We all have layers, just like Donkey says to Shrek, and if we’re lucky we can express each of our layers with a friend or two.

So thank you, my friends, for being there. For sharing and accepting and loving and forgiving. See you soon!

A Poem

Space Between

I just learned

That it is the space between heartbeats

That knows you.

Between the beats

Lie the emotions you thought you’d hidden

From the World.

No empty spaces.

Your heart propels the vital life forces:

Blood and Love.

Me and My Tattoo

I have a tattoo on the back of my neck.  I got it when I became certified to teach yoga.  It is a beautiful lotus flower, in the traditional sailor-tattoo blue.  It makes me very happy.

My thousand-petaled lotus represents yoga to me.  Each petal is imbued with compassion, love, and gratitude, and I can visualize sending a petal floating off to people around me.  The lotus helps me remember why I practice yoga instead of step aerobics:  I strengthen my body while I elevate my spirit.  Sounds lofty, I know, but it’s true.  Yoga has many “limbs”, and although I began with the practice of poses (asana), I was soon led to practice compassion and gratitude, to meditate, and to live a life of awareness.  (Note the use of the word practice -- I ain’t perfect, but I am trying!)  My lotus tattoo is always with me to remind me of the life I aspire to lead.  

Not everyone appreciates my tattoo, and I understand that.  My mom likes it, though.  In fact, she came along with me and got a tattoo herself, a nice ankle bracelet that matches the silver bracelet she wears on her wrist.  To answer a popular question, yes it hurt.  But not so badly that I wouldn’t get another one, if the spirit moves me! For now, my thousand-petaled lotus blooms on my neck, reminding me to greet everyone around me with compassion and love -- and to float a petal for myself once in a while, too! 

The Nature of Yoga; or is it The Yoga of Nature?

Our bodies pulse with the rhythm of the tides, and dance to the music of the stars.  We are not only connected to Nature, we are an integral part of Nature.  When we breathe out, trees breathe in.  As we witness the sun set, our emotions rise.  Hand in hand with a child, resting in the shade of a tree, the sound of the wind, the sweetness of summer’s first strawberry – all these are connections to our world. All these make us a participant in Nature, not merely a bystander. To nurture your body with good food and delicious movement, to use nature’s gifts to find shelter and joy, is to give thanks for Life.

Yoga brings an awareness of the body that some other forms of exercise neglect. Yoga demonstrates the connections that your body makes instinctively – breath to movement, stretch to release.  Yoga encourages you to find ease within the effort, softness around the holding, connection to the stars above and the earth below.  Yoga reminds you that your body is a gift that responds to nurturing, care and attention.  Yoga is not simply exercise. Yoga builds the connections between body, mind, and spirit, and strengthens our attachments to nature.  So pulse with the rhythm of the tides, and dance to the music of the stars.  Shake that booty and open your eyes to see that Nature is within and without – offering love, sustenance, protection, and more love.

Happy St. Valentine's Day

Love your neighbor as yourself. 

This brings up a couple of questions:  1)  Who is your neighbor?  2) What if you don’t love yourself all that much?

Here are the answers:  1) Everyone is your neighbor.  2) You are lovable and loved, so jump on the bandwagon and show yourself some love!

Picture the person you love the most.  You want the best for this person.  You want this person to feel love, to experience kindness, and to live their best life. You want to be instrumental in bringing all this wonderfulness to your beloved.

Of course, we all know that you cannot give that which you do not have. If you do not honor yourself, love yourself, and take care of yourself, you are cheating your loved one.  By not turning the qualities of love to yourself, you cannot shine these qualities on another.  The one you love the most is missing out on what only you can give.

We are all created equal (Hey, Tom Jefferson said so in the Declaration of Independence – it must be true!).  We also have free will.  So decide to love yourself as you love your neighbor.

I love you!  Happy Valentines Day!

The Good, the Bad, and the Indifferent

What am I searching for?  When will I be happy, and what will bring about this happiness?  Why does that guy have it all and I don’t?  How do I know I am on the right path? Where do I look for guidance?  Who What Where When WHY?

We search for answers, and for clues that things are as they should be.  A raise at work signals you are doing a good job.  A hug from your teen shows you are connected to your child.  A smile from a stranger affirms that you are connected to the world.  So does it follow that no raise this year means your performance was poor; the cold shoulder from your high schooler proves you are a failure as a parent; someone letting the door bang in your face means that the outside world doesn’t even notice you?

Here is something to consider:  Everything is neutral.  There is no good, no bad, there just Is.  Allowing salary to dictate worth as a person would mean that the Wall Street guy is a better person than the Visiting Nurse who takes care of your aunt.  Each is doing important work, and their value cannot be known by their weekly paychecks.  The guy who rushed by you in the doorway wasn’t slamming the door in YOUR face, he was simply unaware of you, for reasons of his own.  And don’t get me started on teenagers -- they are beginning the important and difficult work of separating from their parents, so just breathe through those years and don’t take anything personally!  

In yoga, we salute the Light in each other, acknowledging that we are all part of the same Light.  We do our best not to judge.  We remind ourselves that the person with the perfect Trkonasana is not better than her neighbor using three blocks and a strap to set her pose; they are two people in different places.  Feeling the connection, knowing that we are each a part of the other, will foster a feeling of peace and love toward all.  And it will help you feel better, too.  Aren’t we all searching for Love, Peace, and Joy?  Where else can these be found, but in each other.

John & I Figured It Out!

Q:  What is the meaning of Life?

A:  Love

(Seems John Lennon was right, after all.)

I’m not talking about People Magazine kind of love, although that is included.  I’m talking about the Ten Commandments, Yamas and Niyamas kind of love. Love your neighbor.  Love yourself.  Take care of your body.  Take care of your neighbor.  Don’t take what is not yours; in fact, give freely what is yours.  Give thanks.  Look up.  Give thanks again.

Open your heart, follow your heart, trust in your heart.  Send thoughts of love to that which challenges you (in yoga, we use the word “challenging”  instead of “freakin’ hard”). The love will bounce right back to you, multiplied.  Pour love (passion, hard work) into your career and you will be rewarded.  Spread love in your community through service and maybe the word “challenging” will disappear from your vocabulary.

Love is a feeling.  Love is lighter than air and brighter than the sun.  It is contentment and excitement rolled into a heart-shaped package and tucked inside your ribcage.  It echoes and reverberates and spreads and ripples out into the world.  The more happiness and excitement - Love - you feel, the further those ripples travel.  The further they travel, the more people they touch.  The more people touched by your love, the more love will be created and moved into the world.  Love is the answer.

Truth or Dart?

Now that we have all been using our “Impeccable Words”, practicing Satya + Ahimsa (truthfulness and non-harming), and are expert at using our words to convey love and concern rather than hurt or dismay, it’s time to move on to another issue.  Gossip.  It is argued that gossip is healthy, that it is a natural form of communication and a way to move information around a community.  Perhaps; but I think that the term Gossip has accrued negative connotations, and that we “gossip” the bad stuff and “share” the good.  So share away!  Spread the success of your neighbor’s children, compliment your yoga teacher in front of the whole class, bring the joy of a new baby to your friends at Starbucks.  When a dubious thought bubbles to the surface, give it the test:  Is it true? Is it kind? Then - the real litmus test for gossip - is it necessary?  

Most importantly, remember the power of I'm sorry.  We all make slips of the tongue or get caught up in gossip, and the best way to get out of such a mess is to apologize.  Love means never neglecting to say I’m sorry. 

"I hear she practices some weird religion!"

Use Your Words (Wisely)

Don Miguel Ruiz* has written about five “agreements” that you might make with yourself in order to live your highest life.  The first is Be Impeccable With Your Word.  Ruiz suggests we speak with integrity, that words not be used to speak against oneself  or others, and that we use the power of our words in the direction of truth and love.  

Let’s concentrate on speaking the truth.  If the truth will be painful to someone or cause hurt feelings, couple honesty with kindness.  When I took my Reiki training, my teacher told us to ask ourselves these questions before we spoke:  Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?  Be careful not to hide behind “the truth” in order to deliberately hurt someone.  Announcing out loud that someone’s butt looks big may be true, but it is neither kind nor necessary.  

This doesn’t mean we need to sugar-coat everything we say. Using thoughtfulness and love, we can learn how to get a painful truth across to someone.  In yogic terms, I would say practice Satya, truthfulness, with a generous helping of Ahimsa, non-harming.  Here are my suggestions, and I hope you’ll comment with some of your own.

Notice when someone tells a truth so gently that the person hearing it is grateful for the words and not offended.  The speaker probably used body language, too, such as a smile or a gentle touch, to soften the words.  Emulate that skill.

Begin with a positive statement.  Gush for a moment, then say your piece.   “Your dinner parties are so entertaining, and the food is impeccable.  I feel uncomfortable, however, when you talk about “crazy Canadians”, since my mom is from Canada.”

And about someone’s butt looking big in her dress:  Unless she’s meeting the President for a televised event, who cares!  

*www.miguelruiz.com

Karma - What the heck is it?

Think of karma as a seed.  You plant it and it grows, and the fruit you receive from it depends on the seed you planted.  Seeds of lovingkindness bring forth sweet fruit; bitter seeds ripen into bitter fruit.

Karma is not fate.  Karma is action and effect.  It is important to remember that action/effect is not always immediate.  You may be building up equity in the Bank of Karma for the future.  When someone asks plaintively, “why do bad things always happen to me? I’m a good person,” they need to remember that it's not that simple.  We live in a world full of people, relationships, and nature, and stuff is happening all the time. Maybe good things are happening and you just aren't noticing. Maybe the good things are in the works, and are taking time to “ripen”.  Next, take another look at your actions and thoughts.  How good is “good”?  Is there room for improvement (and we know the answer to that is always Yes)?

Making an effort to put out sweet, loving actions -- actions toward others that we would be happy to receive ourselves -- can bring great rewards. Even if you do not “believe” in karmic energy, those around you will be the happier for your good deeds, and you’ll receive more smiles. That’s enough, I think.