Use Your Words (Wisely)

Don Miguel Ruiz* has written about five “agreements” that you might make with yourself in order to live your highest life.  The first is Be Impeccable With Your Word.  Ruiz suggests we speak with integrity, that words not be used to speak against oneself  or others, and that we use the power of our words in the direction of truth and love.  

Let’s concentrate on speaking the truth.  If the truth will be painful to someone or cause hurt feelings, couple honesty with kindness.  When I took my Reiki training, my teacher told us to ask ourselves these questions before we spoke:  Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?  Be careful not to hide behind “the truth” in order to deliberately hurt someone.  Announcing out loud that someone’s butt looks big may be true, but it is neither kind nor necessary.  

This doesn’t mean we need to sugar-coat everything we say. Using thoughtfulness and love, we can learn how to get a painful truth across to someone.  In yogic terms, I would say practice Satya, truthfulness, with a generous helping of Ahimsa, non-harming.  Here are my suggestions, and I hope you’ll comment with some of your own.

Notice when someone tells a truth so gently that the person hearing it is grateful for the words and not offended.  The speaker probably used body language, too, such as a smile or a gentle touch, to soften the words.  Emulate that skill.

Begin with a positive statement.  Gush for a moment, then say your piece.   “Your dinner parties are so entertaining, and the food is impeccable.  I feel uncomfortable, however, when you talk about “crazy Canadians”, since my mom is from Canada.”

And about someone’s butt looking big in her dress:  Unless she’s meeting the President for a televised event, who cares!  

*www.miguelruiz.com

The Golden Rule

Treat others as you want be treated yourself.  Do onto others as you would have done unto you.  Be nice and people will be nice back. The success of one does not diminish the accomplishments of another; another’s loss is a loss for all.  Move through your day seeing others as yourself, and treat them accordingly.

However you phrase it, The Golden Rule isn’t golden for nothing!  It may be the only rule humankind needs to live in peace, harmony, abundance and joy.  And it’s essential for our personal lives as well.  Think about it.  If you’d love a compliment about your cute new outfit, compliment someone else; seeing the happiness on their face as they receive your kind words will reflect onto and into you, and you will feel just as happy as they do.

Ah, but what about that guy who spies his friend toward the front of a long line and cuts in, taking the last few tickets for his family? You have choices in how you react. You can look daggers at the line-cutter and waste the rest of your day complaining about him, or you can gaze on him with compassion for his non-awareness, and go about the rest of your day still balanced and content.  Or if a friend starts again on her tale of woe, and you don’t have time or inclination to listen yet again, extricate yourself from the situation with sympathy and kindness rather than impatience and judgment.

We all make mistakes, we all do things we shouldn’t, we all act thoughtlessly at times, and we all would like our transgressions to be viewed with kindness and compassion.  Do  this for others, and you will receive treatment in kind.

And by the way, your outfit is stunning.

All in a Name?

Wednesday and no post.  I don’t have a topic, and I can’t find the time.  My email notice reminds me frequently and I make a mental note for “later”.

This morning I was vacuuming and dusting and listening to a Caroline Myss book on my iPod when the phone rang.  “Hi, it’s Bernadette,” the voice said.  I ran through my list of friends and acquaintances with that name.  I surprisingly know a fair number of Bernadettes.  It took another sentence from her to realize it was my college roommate.  We speak only about every 10 years, it seems, but her voice registered quickly.

I’m going to skip the part about how excited I was to hear her voice (it’s not the Om Hour, after all), and get to the nitty-gritty.  We were placed in the same room at college –   Room 711, a lucky number! – because our names were similar.  The RA thought it was cute.  Bernadette was Psychology, I was English.  Fast forward twenty-nine (!)  years and Bernadette is in the Holistic healing business down in Virginia with massage, oils, reflexology, and more.  And here I am, practicing and sharing yoga, reiki, and meditation. She’s coming to visit soon and boy, we’re going to have to talk fast!

So, the thread that linked us when we were younger has held fast through absence; it’s even grown stronger without us knowing!  We thought it was all in the names, but I guess it was more than that. Synchronicity.  It’s a beautiful thing.

Is it a 4-Letter Word?

There is a Chinese tale about an old Zen Master who works diligently in the monastery garden every day.  The young monks think he should take it easy, relax.  They know he won’t listen to them, so they hide his tools.  The next day, and the next and the next, the old teacher does not eat.  They young monks think, he is angry with us.  We better return his tools.  That day, the teacher works and eats as usual.  That night he tells his students, No work, no food.

The Zen Master knows that we must each contribute as much as we consume.  We give so we can take.  We grow so we can eat.  We clean so we can stay healthy.  Some of us resent all the time it takes away from more interesting pursuits.  Me, I’d rather be reading or practicing yoga.  Maybe you like to watch TV more than you enjoy vacuuming.  But let’s try to put WORK into perspective this week, and see that it is not just another four-letter word.

Turn on your awareness, and watch those you come in contact with this week.  See how they interact with their work, and try to find someone for whom work seems more like play.  In fact, I bet there are some aspects of work that you enjoy, so be on the lookout for that, too.  Then think about it (dare I say, meditate on it!).  Why do you resent vacuuming when it leaves you with a pleasantly clean floor.  Hey, maybe you should meditate on it while you’re vacuuming.  Perhaps next time you are writing that report at the office you can put a Buddha smile on your face and see if your attitude changes.  You get my drift.  Work with the awareness that you will get back what you give out. 

For more Zen Stories, check out www.101zenstories.com

Gaia Gets Even!

Wow, Hurricane Irene was something, wasn’t she! So much media hype before, during, and after, if you still had electricity.  Mother Nature has been busy showing us what she’s got.  And boy, she brought plenty of things for show-and-tell these past days.  It started with a little earthquake, which is unusual for the east coast.  After giving us a wake-up shake, she tossed buckets of water over our heads to make sure we got out of bed.  Then she sent Zephyr’s older, wilder cousin to play with our trees, ripping off branches or knocking them over completely.

So what’s going on?  Global warming, climate change, karmic retribution, Mother Earth’s revenge, Gaia Gets Even . . . Does it really matter?  No.  Just let it be a reminder that we, mankind, are not as all-powerful as we seem to think, that there are some things that can twirl us around like tumbleweeds, change our fields into rivers and our oceans into witchy cauldrons.  There are times we need to surrender to what is around us and simply take cover and observe from a distance.  Maybe there is a reason for all this crazy weather, but I am not the one to pinpoint what it could be. I think, though, that it would benefit us to act like ancient civilizations and decide that we need to appease our Earth, be kinder to Mother Nature, respect our planet.  No virgin sacrifices necessary, just common sense. 

You know what to do to make this a better place to live.  Do it.  Set the example.  Watch others follow.  Can’t hurt!

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Don't worry about it, because if you worry about it, then we all have to worry about it.

This in a yoga class when a student forgot something in her car and kept apologizing for the interruption as she got up, put on shoes and went out.

Meaning, if she had quietly taken care of her issue the rest of us wouldn't even have noticed her coming and going; as it was, we were all involved as we told her it was okay, and watched her put on her shoes, then reassured her again as she apologized on her return.  


Ask yourself why you are apologizing:  Is it for your own benefit or for others’?  Sometimes it’s better not to worry about it!

Song for Today

Listen to things you cannot hear

Look at things you cannot see

Speak of that for which you have no words

Comprehend what you don’t understand

Love those you haven’t met

Sing songs you haven’t heard

Pray for what you don't know you need

Do the things you cannot imagine

Give compassion to all

Say thank you